Do you find yourself getting frustrated about how your partner treats you?
Feeling run down and afraid you are out of options?
Is your relationship with your partner not what it used to be?
Perhaps you feel more like you are cohabitating than in an intimate relationship.

“I thought we were done. This was a last ditch effort. After two months, I feel like we are on a second honeymoon. Thank you so much for helping us reconnect."
- husband of 14 years

"Deanne is one of the most talented counselors I’ve ever known.”
- grandfather, husband, painter

 

Be part of the 50% that stays together!

 

 

I work with all types of couples who struggle with feeling misunderstood, lonely, and frustrated about issues such as trust, repeated conflict, and communication breakdown. Whether you want pre-marital counseling, feel yourself drifting, or are considering divorce, I provide neutral, yet intentional guidance to help you.

 

You may think your relationship is doomed. Unfortunately, as conflict worsens, people tend to reinforce their own negative beliefs and sabotaging behaviors. If you bail now, you are likely to end up repeating the same in the next relationship.

 

By understanding your own beliefs and actions that contribute to your fulfillment and/or dissatisfaction, you empower yourself to obtain the relationship you want.

 

My work with family reconciliation prepared me to help you shift chronic, long-term relationship problems in a short period of time. I am available for daytime or evening hours to begin identifying specific marriage saving goals and objectives, strategies to move beyond ineffective and harmful ways of reacting to your partner, and strengthen your ability to be trustworthy, vulnerable, clear, assertive, and present.

People often come to couples counseling with lots of fear and anger. It is difficult, at that time, to see how it can get better or what relationship patterns you are following. We will work step by step to improve communication, respect, and personal responsibility so you may experience a rewarding, close relationship.

 

As your therapist, I cannot pressure your partner into participating. However, I can help by offering objective, direct, and respectful guidance for your relationship with strategies that have been proven to work.

 

Many people experience some level of anxiety or resistance prior to working with a therapist. I invite you to come for an initial assessment and trust yourself to know if this is the right place for you.

 

 

Couples and PTSD
Research has shown that individuals with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) have 1.6 times greater risk of divorce, 4 times more physical aggression in relationship, and 3.8 times greater risk for marital distress than individuals without a mental health condition.

 

Symptoms of PTSD put relationships at risk because of the impact of emotional numbing and avoidance, along with less cohesion and intimacy. The good news is that PTSD is one of the most treatable conditions and partners can help.

 

PTSD treatment alone does not necessarily improve intimate relationships but desensitizing the symptoms, along with improving communication skills, emotional expression, and quality time together does improve intimate relationships. Couples sessions can combine Cognitive Behavioral, Dialactical Behavioral, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Emotionally Focused Therapies to address your unique needs.

If you are ready to clearly communicate and connect with passion, contact me to get started 253.651.3752 or email me.

 

 

Want Relationship Help Now? Read on...

 

 

Are you really listening?
When your partner is talking, does your mind have its own commentary of judgments going on? “That’s ridiculous” “You are overreacting.”  Are you planning your next rebuttle? “I didn’t mean it like that.” “But you asked me to give you space.” It’s amazing to watch couples reconnect just by practicing more intentional listening. More…

 

It’s not just the socks on the floor…it’s the story behind the story.
Blame and anger can lead to built up resentment and the attack/defend, attack/withdrawal, or attack/attack pattern. Trust and intimacy are compromised when these patterns are present. Typically there is lots of mindreading, assuming, and unspoken expectations going on. There are tools to learn how to stay calm and present to diffuse situations like these. More…

Tired of being unappreciated?
If you only communicate the surface demands of wanting help accomplishing chores, without the heartfelt invitation to connect, you are less likely to get your emotional needs met. You need to build trust within yourself to handle uncomfortable emotions that may come up when you take risks. More…

Fair Fighting Rules
Success is far more dependent on how you address the conflict. Many couples find success with clearly defining ‘Fair Fighting Rules’. Each partner starts with their own rules of engagement and then makes requests from their partner to make additions. More…

Accountability Work

One way to slow down your automatic pilot when you perceive “danger” is to do accountability work. This tracks your automatic thoughts, along with engaging your more advanced brain, and takes into consideration your emotional state. More…

 

Stages of Relationship
Romance, Courting, Fantasy
The brain is flooded with feel-good chemicals. Typically the euphoria is attributed to the other’s presence, character, and/or behaviors rather than our own charge or fantasy that is created. While swept away by the romance it is easy to minimize differences, avoid conflict and be wide-open. Free time is dedicated to spending time with the other and staying focused on the positive. More…

 

Automatic Negative Thoughts that can sabotage you click here