Cycling Back Isn’t Starting Over

Part 2 of 3: Comfort, Not Escape

I’ve noticed something my mind is doing with this new challenge that has shown up... it assumes this I should be less thrown off center, simply because I’ve done this kind of work before. I should move through it gracefully since I’ve navigated pain before. That thought is so quiet and so convincing that most of us never even question it. But it isn’t true, having navigated hard things before doesn’t mean the next hard thing owes me a shortcut. That would be bypassing.

Why there’s no bypass, no matter how much you’ve grown

Every challenge, however different from the last one, seems to come with the same invitation: to actually be felt. Not managed from a safe intellectual distance. Not fast-tracked because I already know the theory. Felt — in the body, in real time, with as much kindness and inner listening as I can offer myself.

My thinking mind / intellect hates this. It would much rather know the right technique, apply it, and move on. But presence doesn’t work like a skill I master once and never have to practice again. It’s something we return to, every time, regardless of how much we’ve already learned. Is this feeling familiar?

So I'm choosing to look at this life as a school — not because it’s cruel, but because it’s designed for depth. The part that took me years to actually believe: we cannot access a truly deep sense of joy without also having access to real pain. They come from the same well. Trying to bypass one usually ends up dampening the other. So when we let ourselves actually feel what’s here — instead of assuming we should already be past needing to — we’re not failing. We’re doing exactly what presence has always required. And yet, I'm needing to remind myself again to surrender to the full human experience.

That doesn’t mean staying stuck in it. There’s a real difference between feeling an emotion and living inside one indefinitely. Panic, guilt, obligation, old anger — these can turn into a kind of Groundhog Day if we let them, the same loop playing over and over. The way through isn’t bypassing the feeling. It’s holding both things at once: this hurts, and this is also just an experience I’m having. Not my whole identity. Not proof that nothing has changed. Just weather moving through a sky that’s much bigger than the storm.

A small practice: Tuning Inward

This takes about five minutes, and it’s less about fixing anything and more about simply listening.

1.          Sit somewhere quiet, and take a slow breath in and out.

2.          Ask gently, “Where is this occupying me right now?” Scan your body without judgment — chest, throat, stomach, shoulders, jaw.

3.          Notice what’s actually there. Is it an emotion, or more of a physical sensation — heaviness, prickliness, a stirring, a tightness, a hollow feeling? There’s no wrong answer, just what’s true right now.

4.          Once you’ve located it, simply let it be there. You don’t have to solve it or explain it. Noticing is enough — it’s how you show these inner parts of yourself that you’re willing to listen.

5.          Silently say, “This is an experience I’m having. It isn’t the whole of who I am.”

6.          Take one more breath, and notice if anything — even slightly — feels a little more spacious.

This is the kind of noticing that allows me to become attuned to what these inner parts actually need, and eventually, to respond to them — a muscle that gets stronger with use, and matters most on the days when the feelings are much bigger than this. Maybe this can help ease your resistance or suffering while going through another growth experience. If you'd like more support, there are two levels of support.

This is Part 2 of a three-part series. Next time, we’ll talk about the difference between comfort and escape — and why reaching for something steady in a hard moment isn’t avoidance, it’s wisdom.

With Love and Light, Deanne