Look a Little to the Side

The weather has been so beautiful that I’ve kept summer going as long as I can. Once a week, I drive to the mountain and sleep outside. I lie on my back, let my eyes adjust, and wait for the sky to show me what it has been doing all along. That expands my mind, awakens my soul and relaxes my body.

If you’ve ever tried this, you know the sky doesn’t reveal itself all at once. At first there are a handful of stars. Give it twenty minutes and the whole thing opens up. The Milky Way thickens. There are more stars than you can count.

And there’s a trick I love. If you want to see a faint star, don’t look straight at it. Look a little to the side. Your eyes pick up dim light better at the edges than at the center. Stare right at the thing you’re trying to see, and it disappears.

When the bar is already too high

I’ve been carrying a lot lately, so I’ve adjusted my schedule to be fully present for the hours I’m with you. I’m keeping up daily health practices that matter to me, and some mornings my bandwidth is about fifteen seconds wide. It’s part of how I stay steady when I sit with clients.

In my 20’s, I was a drill sergeant with myself. Get up. Push through. No excuses. I could ignore what my body had to say. These days, that voice just makes me want to lie back in bed. Maybe it’s age, maybe it’s the feminine side of me asking for more flow, or maybe it’s simply that I’m carrying a lot and my body would like a say. Whatever it is, being a robot cut off from my body doesn’t motivate me anymore.

So here’s what I do when I don’t feel like moving. I stand on my vibration plate. That’s it. I’m not exercising. I’m just standing there for one cycle. And when the cycle ends, something in me has usually softened enough to say, okay, maybe another. The next time, I might do a few squats. Then I tell myself, all you have to do is pick up the barbell. Then, all you have to do is deadlift it once. Once becomes three, then five.

I’m not looking straight at the big goal. I’m looking a little to the side.

Does that sound familiar? Maybe it’s not exercise for you. Maybe it’s the email, the dishes, the hard phone call, or the thing you’ve been meaning to start since August.

A small practice: The Red Light Start

Astronomers who want to protect their night vision use a red flashlight. A bright white beam, like a drill sergeant’s voice, wipes out everything your eyes just spent half an hour adjusting to. A dim red light lets you see enough to take the next step without losing the dark.

Here’s how to use it on yourself:

1.          Dim the light. Pick the thing you’re avoiding and shrink it until it feels almost silly. Fifteen seconds. One barbell touched. One sentence written. One drawer opened.

2.          Check in with your body, not your to-do list. Put a hand on your chest or belly and ask, Is this a “yes,” a “not yet,” or a “no”? A “yes” or a “not yet” can go ahead as a 15-second start. A “no” deserves respect, with a negotiation to even smaller or an alternative action, not a push.

3.          Do the 15 seconds. When it ends, you’re allowed to stop. That permission is what makes the practice work.

4.          Ask a second question. Is there a little more in me? If yes, take another 15 seconds. If no, you’re done, and that counts.

5.          Say something kind afterward. Thank you for showing up. It sounds small. It’s the part that teaches your nervous system that starting is safe.

This isn’t about escaping what’s hard. It’s about being a bit more honest about how much energy you have right now, and then again right now.

If you’re in a long dark

If you’re in a season that’s asking more of you than you have, and you’d like someone beside you while you adjust to it, EMDR Intensives and Spiritual Transformation sessions are here for that. Reach out and we’ll find a gentle place to begin. I’m in the office Monday through Wednesday afternoons and on telehealth Fridays, and I have openings.

With Love and Light, Deanne