
253 . 651 . 3752
Helping people bring structure and calm to chaos
Deanne Carter, LMHC
253 . 651 . 3752
Helping people bring structure and calm to chaos
Deanne Carter, LMHC

Sibling Rivalry
© 2007 Deanne Carter, LMHC, NCC
Guide your child to solve the problem for themselves.
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“I bet that hurts.”
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“What do you think you are going to do?”
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“Would you like to know what some other kids try?” (see “What to do about teasing” for ideas)
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“Will that give them any power or attention?”
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“I hope that works out for you.”
Change environmental factors that you have control over:
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Location of homework (on opposite sides of table with barrier up, or even in different rooms), seats in TV room away from each other
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Schedule morning bathroom access, TV access, choice of seats based on winner of the week (ex. for chore completion), TV remote access based on point system or time of day
Make dates with each child, even if it’s for 10 minutes per day. Let the child guide the activity. Give them your undivided attention, listen, no advice giving without asking permission first.
Meeting the needs of the individual (use various forms of discipline, as well as, rewards). Same rules, different support.
Beware of tattling: Are they telling because they need help or because they want the power of getting the other in trouble? Discipline in private.
Set up safe “fighting”: pillow fights with clear rules. It can be hard to share your space and toys and family and friends with the same people!
Use “I notice that…” sentences which internalize compliments instead of focusing on pleasing you, the adult. This can contribute to increasing self-worth and decreasing the survival instinct of competition. (see Energizing Positives handout)
Give choices whenever you can to increase sense of personal power.
Odd or even
Sit or stand on floor space
Partner read or by yourself
Hand shake or high five
Do it yourself or with help
By yourself or at the table
At your table or on the floor
Colored pencil or twistable
Which chair will you sit in
This (motor skill) or another
Colored paper or white
On white board or paper
Write story or draw picture
Fiction or non-fiction
Now or during TV time
Quiet at the table or in room
Which color pencil
Write or type
Write or dictate
Which one first
Crayons or Markers
Read to me or sibling
Spelling #1 or #2
Addition or Subtraction first
Cards or dice
Before or after
Cursive or print
Coins or Cubes
Front or back first
Start at top or bottom
Read at desk or on cushion
Feet touching floor or in the air
Give each child a sense of belonging through contributions to the family.
Organize art supplies
Mail pick up
Table cleaner
Toy manager/clean-up
of the shared space
Computer/Electronics shut down
Presenter of dinner menu
Set up snack
Pencil Sharpener
Pet Feeder
Phone Answerer
Note taker at family meetings
Garbage assistant
Paper towel replacer
Take out lunches in morning
White board clearner
Recycling
Daily Schedule announcer
Pet Food monitor -- put on grocery list
Come in for a consult appointment and we’ll
create a plan to reduce conflict in your family.
Ccall 253.651.3752
or email me and let's get started
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