Deanne Dietz, LMHC

Guide your child to solve the problem for themselves.
 

• “I bet that hurts.” 

• “What do you think you are going to do?” 

• “Would you like to know what some other kids try?” (see “What to do about teasing” for ideas) 

• “Will that give them any power or attention?” 

• “I hope that works out for you.”

 

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Change environmental factors that you have control over:
 

• Location of homework (on opposite sides of table with barrier up, or even in different rooms), seats in TV room away from each other
   

• Schedule morning bathroom access, TV access, choice of seats based on winner of the week (ex. for chore completion), TV remote access based on point system or time of day

 

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Make dates with each child, even if it’s for 10 minutes per day. Let the child guide the activity. Give them your undivided attention, listen, no advice giving without asking permission first.

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Meeting the needs of the individual (use various forms of discipline, as well as, rewards). Same rules, different support.
 

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Beware of tattling: Are they telling because they need help or because they want the power of getting the other in trouble? Discipline in private.
 

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Set up safe “fighting”: pillow fights with clear rules. It can be hard to share your space and toys and family and friends with the same people!
 

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Use “I notice that…” sentences which internalize compliments instead of focusing on pleasing you, the adult. This can contribute to increasing self-worth and decreasing the survival instinct of competition. (see Energizing Positives handout)
 

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Give choices whenever you can to increase sense of personal power.